No matter how much I want to run from the idea, the reality remains, I am very much getting older.

Thinning hair, fine lines, wrinkles, AND missing my child, is a hefty load. This is my new reality though.

If going bald, gray and wrinkly isn't hard enough, hot flashes, and raging hormones definitely seal the deal. Early peri-menopause sucks. I pray it is over as soon as possible, but then again, I have no idea what actual menopause feels like, so maybe not?

Needless to say, I feel like I'm going crazy most days. If it's not my changing body, it's my teenagers for sure. I knew they'd grow up one day, but it's happening a lot faster than I bargained for. That's probably the scariest part for me. Getting older means they're getting older, and my empty nester days are near. One going off to college has been hard enough.

My husband encouraged me to start thinking about the future the other day, and I almost cried. Let's be real, I want to cry to just thinking about it. The future he's talking about is the one I dread the most. What will I do without my children being children? I have been a mother most of my life. I don't know another way of living.

These are the wanderer years for sure. I don't have the answers to aging. I'm figuring it out as I go. I'm constantly learning though. I'm learning what I like, and what I don't like. I'm learning what I love, and what I don't love. I'm learning what I'm good at, and what I'm not good at. I'm also trying. I'm trying to be open minded, I'm trying to be fearless, and I'm trying to be true. I want to age as my true authentic self.

We live in a noisy world, and as a woman, our noisy world isn't too keen on women aging. They tell us we're "too old" a lot more than they tell us we're still fully capable. You are strong, and capable of anything regardless of your age. That's what aging with grace means to me. Complete acceptance of self without limits.

Age as you wish friends, just remember you are more than a number and a birth year.

Xx Dee