"Epiphany"

When I read this quote for the first time, I cried. I've been telling my closest friends and husband that I feel different these days. I just don't like the things that I used to and I don't know when it started happening.

After reading this it hit me, I grew up. At 30+ years old, I've grown up.

Being honest is a difficult thing especially as a people pleaser. SO many times I wanted to say no and said yes out of fear, fear of upsetting people and hurting feelings, fear of rejection. I've been this way since I was a little girl. I'm not ready to go there but trust that these people pleasing behaviors started very, very early in my life.

Unfortunately saying yes and abiding by other people's wants and feelings means I lost myself in the process. What I wanted, what I needed, and what I felt, came second As long as someone else was safe and happy, all was ok. I always came last.

It cost me a hefty price to be a pleaser. I made mistakes with life long consequences being "easy going and flexible". I made mistakes that hurt people. I made mistakes that took time away from ME. It hurts to recognize this now, but I sold myself short for a really long time. Not living up to your full potential is a hard pill to swallow, but that's growth. You can learn from it.

Don't hide your desires, needs or your feelings. Advocate for yourself, be true to yourself. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. Don't let people convince you into doing things either. No means no. I'm just now seeing that "no" can be and is a single word sentence. Saying it once is enough. We live in a society that adds ambiguity to this statement. Once you're convinced into changing that no into a yes, the people around you will remember that. It will happen again and again. Stop that. Say no, mean no and let it be no. #honesty

When I started saying no, I also started to explain why. This is not necessary, but when it comes to my inner circle, I felt they needed to know my point of view to encourage them to stop approaching me with things that did not support the life I want to live. I set boundaries. I don't want to go out. I don't want to gossip. I don't want negativity. This is honesty and the only way for them to know was to tell them. If they can't meet my needs, wants nor respect my feelings, we can't be friends. We can't have a relationship. Period. Remember Mindfulness 101? This is very much accepting people for who and what they are. If you cannot fully accept someone as is, let it go, it's not for you.

Apply this to family as well. Crap happens. Families are complex and it can be difficult to hold your own with so many opinions and feelings. It's still your life. You don't have to do or say anything that isn't coming from your heart. You're living your life!

So be honest. Advocate for yourself. Stand up for yourself. Say no and don't apologize for it. DO the things that bring you joy and inspire you to be the better version of yourself. It's ok to be different. It's ok to want more. It's ok to grow. Just remember that honesty and growth starts with you.

Xx Dee